The Day I Unloaded on God

The Day I Unloaded on God


“God, why? What has she done to deserve this? She has loved you and served you all her life. I don’t understand why you’re letting her go through this. It doesn’t seem that You love her . . . or me.”

These words spewed out of my mouth as I drove home from the nursing home one day. I was mad at God. Why? Why can’t you just take my mom home? Why are you making her suffer? I poured out my heart to Him with all the emotions attached – hurt, anger, despair, doubt.

However, by the time I drove into my garage 15 minutes later, I was confessing my attitude and acknowledging He has a purpose in everything He does. I knew I needed to trust Him even though the painful circumstances were hard to understand. He kept bringing Scripture to mind about His love, His faithfulness, His sovereignty. His Word changed my perspective, even though my circumstances hadn’t changed.

Perhaps you’ve been in that situation or feeling this way today. David felt this way many times, as is evidenced by the number of lament psalms he wrote. He cried out to God, asking questions, expressing his emotions, being real with his feelings. And yet, he finished each lament with words of praise and trust in His God.

Our culture often communicates that expressing lament is a weakness or it’s not spiritual to say those things to God. So, we stuff our emotions and feelings and try to pretend they’re not there. That’s not healthy. Neither is it Scriptural.

This weekend I’m co-facilitating a trauma healing workshop (developed by the American Bible Society) with a group of women. One of the things we cover is the value of lament. When I went through the workshop last year, the lament was one of the most powerful things we did during that weekend.

God wants us to “pour out your heart before Him” (Psalm 62:8). David did – more than once.

Maybe it’s time for you to write a lament psalm of your own. Express your true feelings, your questions, your doubts, your struggles to Him. But, remember what is true about God. Express your trust in Him, even though you don’t understand. Psalm 13 is a good example to follow.

What helps you express your true emotions to God in dark times? What holds you back? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

  1. Thank you for your blog. It makes remember 40 years ago when I was crying to God asking Him to take my mother home, to stop suffering from cancer.

    • Jann, thanks for your encouraging words. That was one of the hardest seasons I’ve gone through, as I’m sure it was for you, but God drew me closer to Him through it all. Thanks for sharing!

  2. Praying for your retreat, Crickett. They’re blessed to have you as part of their leadership. For me, I pour out best through the pen and paper. Was the loss of your mother recent? I’m sorry.

    • Cathy, thank you! And I’m like you, I do my best pouring out my heart on paper. Mom passed away Dec. 19, 2014, so it’s been a few years. But, preparing for the lament part of this workshop this weekend brought back all those emotions and memories of the time leading up to her death. The lament was a major part of going through the grief process. Thanks for sharing!

  3. I was just reading a lament psalm today! I love that God wanted them included in the Bible, too. He knows we need to lament at times.

    • Thanks for sharing, Heather! Yes, we need to lament – it’s part of the healing process. Thanks again for sharing!

  4. Reading the Psalms and singing help me. I also like to “scream it out” in my journal. My writing is like scribble because I just write all my emotions down quickly without holding back. God already knows my heart, this way now I have admitted it to myself, released it to God and hopefully can move forward 🙂

    Thanks for writing about something I think we can all relate to, Crickett.

  5. Beckie, I love that – “scream it out” in my journal! I do that, too! And the psalms speak to me during those times in so many ways. Thanks for sharing!

  6. Some of the closest intimacy I’ve experienced with God has come out of crying out in anger or fear. I’m so grateful God’s grace is greater than my failures.

    • Joshua, I so agree with that. Those times of crying out to God in anger and frustration ended up bringing me to a closer place with Him. Thanks for sharing!

  7. I’ve been there. I think sometimes we’re afraid of exposing our tough emotions to God. But we have to bring them before him to experience his healing and grace. Lament doesn’t always change our circumstances, but it changes our awareness of where God is in the middle of our circumstances.

    • You’re so right, Leigh. Lamenting and being honest with God is part of the process of healing and growing spiritually. Thank you for sharing!

  8. Thank you for writing this, Crickett. People so often hesitate to express negative emotions to God, as if He’ll get offended or something. I often tell people, “God can take it.” If He couldn’t, He wouldn’t be God.

    • Carole, thanks for sharing. I love what you said, “God can take it.” And He wants us to pour out our hearts to Him, and then He can draw us into a deeper intimacy with Him.

Leave a Reply