Before you delete this, thinking it doesn’t apply to you if you’re married, keep reading. Even if you’re married, you most likely know someone who is single – a child, a friend, a grandchild, a coworker.
Because I’m single, I often get asked questions about finding contentment in singleness. To be honest, when I was in my 20’s and 30’s, I was not excited to be single. I prayed fervently for God to bring a husband into my life. After all, the “normal” in life is to graduate from college, get married, and begin a family. Right?
I kept waiting… and waiting… and waiting. No husband. I was initially disappointed with God, but over time, He began to change my heart. I wouldn’t have chosen singleness for my life, but I wouldn’t change anything today. I can honestly say, as a single, it is possible to be single and content.
How? I can’t give you a formula, but I can share some tips that have helped me find contentment as a single.
1. Have an intimate relationship with the Lord.
He knows us inside and out, better than any person can. The more we know God, the more we know His love for us. If marriage is His best for us, we know He won’t withhold it.
2. Have quality relationships with others.
We need people in our lives. God intended for us to live in community with one another.
3. Look to the Lord to meet your needs.
We all have needs – the need to feel secure, to feel loved, to belong to someone. But we have to be careful about expecting people to completely meet those needs. A misconception about marriage is that once we get married, we’ll be satisfied and fulfilled. We’ll never be lonely again. Our spouse will meet all our needs.
But I can tell you as I have counseled married women over the years, they still have unmet needs and face disappointments in their marriage. Married women still feel lonely at times. Their husbands don’t and can’t meet all their needs, and a wife can’t meet all her husband’s needs. The Lord alone can bring complete fulfillment and satisfaction in life. If we’re looking to a person to meet all our needs and satisfy us, we will be disappointed.
If we’re not looking to God to meet our needs as a single, we’re probably not going to look to Him to meet those needs when we’re married.
4. Refuse to settle for less than God’s best for you.
Seek the Lord, not a mate. Let Him choose a mate for you, in His timing, if that’s His plan for you. Don’t settle for less than God’s best by rushing into marriage with someone you know is not God’s best for you. That brings deeper heartache than singleness. The “desperate-for-marriage” single lets panic guide them to a partner instead of waiting on God’s choice.
5. Refuse to believe the lies of Satan. Lies like:
- “I’m missing out on the best of life by being single.” Singleness is a gift from the Lord, just as marriage is. Don’t live in a holding pattern, waiting to get married before you make any big decisions in life. God has you single in this season for a reason. Embrace the best of life whether you’re single or married.
- “There must be something wrong with me.” Let’s be honest, all of us have issues. None of us are perfect. If that was a requirement for marriage, no one would be married.
- “I must not be good enough.” Or, “I’ve done something wrong and this is my punishment.” God doesn’t work like that.
God never promised us a spouse, but He does promise us an abundant life in Him (John 10:10) – single or married. We can, like Paul, learn to be content in whatever circumstances God places us.